Crash
by Megan13
Summary: Mark, along with Derek, heads to LA for a conference and gets more than he bargained for. Maddison
1. Part One

**Disclaimer: Characters not mine...**

**AN: This will be a two-parter. The second half should be up in about a week.**

* * *

**_The One Where He Finds Out:_**

"Oh shit."

"What?" Pete sat forward, alarmed. "You okay?"

"Huh?" Addison glanced at him.

"Is everything okay?" Pete asked and watched her flinch.

"Hide me," she eeped and slouched as quickly as she could. "Shit, shit, shit."

"What is going on?" Pete demanded worriedly as he scanned the restaurant for the source of Addison's distress. "Add-"

"It's him," she moaned and tried to hide behind her dessert menu.

"Who?" Pete asked and took the menu away from her. "Who are you talking about?"

Addison pointed in the direction of the door. Pete turned to see who she was talking about, but there was a rather large crowd gathered at around the entrance waiting for tables and he had no idea who she was trying to point at. "Which one?"

"Black shirt." Addison sneaked a peek over Pete's shoulder. "Steamy."

"Steamy?" Pete rolled his eyes. "Addison who are you... Oh." He whipped around in his seat, astonished. "Wait. That's him? That's the guy?"

She nodded jerkily.

Pete burst out laughing.

"It's not funny," Addison hissed. She stabbed at his arm with her fork.

"You have to admit," Pete said, pulling his arm out of stabbing range, "that it is pretty funny."

She glared at him.

"But what's he doing here anyway?" Pete asked and turned to give the guy a better look. "I thought you said he was staying in Seattle."

Addison sighed. "I can't believe this is happening."

Again, Pete rolled his eyes. "Only you, little lady."

"Shut up P- Eh!" Her hands flew in front of her face. "I think he just saw me."

Pete turned and watched as a look of realization came over the man's face. Pete smirked as the man faltered for a moment and then whispered something into the ear of the man standing next to him. He glanced at their table and nodded.

"Addison," Pete said and turned back to find her still trying to hide behind her hands. "Add, they're coming over here."

"They?" Addison squeaked.

"Yep." Pete watched as the two men began weaving their way through the dense collection of tables. "Two guys. The other one looks like a hair model."

"Oh fuck," Addison swore and let her hands drop.

Pete's smirk deepened.

"What in the hell are they doing here?" Addison grumbled through the fake smile she was sporting. "Stupid fu- Mark, Derek. Hi. What brings you two to LA? Together? At the same time? And to this restaurant of all places?"

Pete tried to hide his amusement but failed miserably.

"We've got a conference," the steamy one told her with a tiny smile. "Well, separate conferences that happen to be held on the same weekend."

"It was some coincidence," Hair Model said.

"Yeah," Addison said through clenched teeth. "Some coincidence."

"And who is this?" Hair Model asked, finally noticing that there was someone else sitting at the table. "New boyfriend?"

Steamy flinched.

"Uh no." Addison shook her head. "This is Pete Wilder. We work together. He's our holistic guy."

"Quack," the two of them said in unison while Addison nodded her agreement.

Pete glared at Addison. "And?"

"Oh." She gestured to each of them. "Mark and Derek."

"Ah." Pete nodded. "_The_ Mark and Derek."

Mark gave him a once over and, having decided Pete wasn't worth his time, turned his attention back to Addison. "So how have you been? You look great."

"Uh." She looked at Pete. "Okay I guess."

Derek cocked his head and let his eyes run up and down the side of the table.

"What?" Addison asked defensively and pulled the tablecloth to cover more of her side.

"Nothing," Derek said, though his eyebrows had nearly hit his hairline.

"Well we're here until Sunday," Mark said, his smile never faltering. "We should get together for a drink or something."

"She can't," Pete said instantly and cringed. "Uh, that is, she's got a lot of appointments at the clinic."

"Yeah, you know me." Addison kicked Pete under the table while keeping the clenched smile on her face. "Always busy. Busy, busy, busy."

"That's funny," Derek said slowly, a predatory grin spreading across his face. "Dr. Torres seems to think you only have one or two patients a day."

Mark looked at her hopefully. "Come on Addie. It's been five months since you left. Just come out so we can catch up."

"I..." Addison sighed. "I would really like to Mark, but I can't. I've got work all week and Saturday I'm taking Mya to the zoo with Cooper."

"Oh." Mark frowned as the buzzer in his hand suddenly went into action. "We should probably go get our table." He leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on the top of her head before stepping away reluctantly. "Well you've got my number. Give me a call, kay?"

"Yeah," Addison answered softly and watched as he made his way back to the hostess table.

"It was good seeing you Addie," Derek said after a few moments of watching her.

"You too Derek," Addison said and gave him a little wave as a dismissal. "Have fun while you're here."

"Oh I will," Derek said certainly. He took a couple of steps away from the table and then turned back. "You know something? Mark was right Addie. You do look good. I mean, you're practically glowing."

Pete grabbed her fork before she could throw it at Derek's head.

-- -- -- --

The next day Addison was just finishing filing some paperwork when Dell stuck his head into her office. She grinned and beckoned him inside.

"You did great with Mrs. Lowe today Dell," Addison said encouragingly. "I think you're really starting to get the hang of paps."

"Thanks Addison." Dell grinned happily.

"Is there something that you needed?" Addison asked after a few moments of his silent grinning.

"Oh yeah." Dell smiled sheepishly. "There's two guys waiting at the front desk for you. Should I send them in?"

"No," Addison yelped, causing Dell to jump.

"But I already told them you weren't with a patient," Dell said slowly. "And it's obvious that you're here."

"Fine," Addison told him and pulled herself as far under her desk as possible and folded her arms in front of her. "Send them in."

A few moments later Mark and Derek strode into her office. She gestured to the seats across from her and the two men quickly made themselves comfortable. Mark even went as far as kicking his feet up on the desk.

"So," Addison pushed Mark's feet off her desk, "what brings you to my office?"

Derek shrugged as Mark answered, "We were afraid you wouldn't call before we left Sunday. So we thought we'd pay you a little visit."

"Oh." Addison bit her lip and frowned. "So... What did you wind up doing last night?"

"Just had a few drinks after dinner and then went back to the hotel," Mark said and jerked his thumb at Derek. "Shep was on the damn phone half the night."

"You're back with Meredith?" Addison asked politely.

"Nope."

He didn't continue and she was about to ask Mark a question when her office door flew open. Violet and Cooper wandered in, spotted Mark and Derek, and quickly retreated.

Derek sneered. "That was..."

"Weird," Mark finished for him. He stared at the door for a second before turning to Addison. "So what are you doing tonight?"

Addison, surprised by the question, stuttered, "No... Nothing. Why?"

"Derek has to prepare a speech and I don't want to sit in my room all alone," Mark told her. "I thought maybe we could catch dinner and a movie or something."

"Oh." Addison chewed her lower lip. "Uh, I don't think that's a good idea Mark."

"Why not?" Mark asked.

"Yeah, why not?" Derek parroted, grinning.

"I just can't."

"Addison," Derek leaned forward in his chair and clasped his hands together. "Are you not telling us something?"

Addison glared at him.

"Come on Addie," Mark asked softly, his blue eyes pleading with her. "Please?"

Addison grimaced. "Fine."

-- -- -- --

"So you're going out with him?" Cooper asked as he, Addison, and Naomi strolled through an open-air market. He licked his ice-cream cone. "How is that supposed to work?"

"I'm not sure yet," Addison said with a sigh. "But he gave me the puppy eyes and I couldn't help but agree to dinner."

"He does give a pretty good puppy eye," Naomi informed Cooper. "Almost as good as his 'come hither' smirk."

"Almost," Addison agreed with a nod. "That one gets me every time."

"Obviously," Cooper snorted.

Addison glared at him as her hand subconsciously lifted to her belly. She had shied away from tight clothing in the past week, what with Derek and Mark lurking around every corner, but she was fully aware that Mark was delivering a speech about facial reconstruction on children and wouldn't be anywhere near her for at least another three hours. That, and she was out of billowy dresses.

"So are you telling him tonight then?" Naomi asked. "Or are you gonna wuss out again?"

"I don't think she'll have a choice," Cooper said. "I mean, unless he's really as dense as he looks."

Addison scrunched her nose. She really, really, really didn't want to have to have that conversation with Mark. However, as they stopped at the corner to wait for the walk sign she realized, to her horror, that she may have to have that conversation lot sooner than planned.

Derek and Mark, whose speech had been pushed back, were standing on the opposite street corner arguing over something or another when they spotted the trio. Mark grinned and waved at them. That is, until he spotted the prominent curve of Addison's stomach and the grin slid right off his face. He froze (Derek, however, whooped that he knew it the whole time) as Addison did a complete 180 and quickly took off in the other direction.

-- -- -- --

"Breathe Addison," Naomi commanded. "Don't work yourself up."

"Don't work myself up?" Addison wailed, eyes wide. "I'm royally screwed here Nae. He saw me. He _knows_."

"Not everything," Naomi insisted. "And none of the facts. I'm sure he's too self-centered to put two and two together."

"Yeah, no." Addison shook her head and let out an annoyed breath. "He's called eight times already. I'm sure he's putting something together."

"Like a big 'ol can of whoop ass," Cooper added conversationally. He flinched at the glares the women both shot at him. "Well. I mean-"

"Shut up Coop," Naomi said with a roll of her eyes. She turned back to a pacing Addison. "Look, just don't answer your cell."

Addison snorted.

"If you don't answer there's nothing he can do," Naomi said practically.

"Yeah," Cooper added. "It's not like he knows where you live or anything."

The doorbell rang. They froze.

"Are you gonna get that?" Cooper whispered a few tense moments after the initial ring. He flinched when Addison whipped her head around to glare at him. Again.

"You..." Addison spat quietly. "You jinxer."

"Hey," Cooper defended in hushed tones. "Have you thought that it might not even be him?"

Addison frowned. "You're right."

"Then why are we still whispering?" Cooper hissed.

"Look," Naomi said. "Just go find out who it is."

"I don't want to go alone," Addison said petulantly and crossed her arms over her chest. "Come with me."

"Addison, you're a big girl." Naomi rolled her eyes as Addison continued pouting. "Fine. But if it's him, we're leaving you to do battle all by yourself. It's time you grew up a little."

"I don't do things myself," Addison huffed.

Cooper gestured to her and snickered, "Obviously."

"You just-"

"Get the door Addison," Naomi demanded, pointing in the direction of the hallway.

Addison narrowed her eyebrows and pushed past Naomi into the hallway. When she reached the door she glanced back to make sure Naomi and Cooper had followed her. Then, with a deep breath, she pulled open the door...

To find a girl scout.

"I don't want any," Addison said and shut the door in the little girl's face.

"And you want kids," Cooper sneered. "Jesus Addison, she was just trying to sell you some cookies. I could totally have gone for some Thin Mints."

Addison rolled her eyes and was took a step back in the direction of the kitchen when the doorbell rang again. She sighed, annoyed, and grasped the handle tightly. "Look," she bit and flung the door open, "I already told you that I don't want any of your damn cookies."

"Well that's a first," came Derek's dry reply.

"Oh fuck," Addison groaned and let her head thud sideways against the door.

"I can see you're just overjoyed by our presence." Derek let loose his most devilish smirk. "Now are you going to invite us in or do you plan to disrupt the whole neighborhood?"

"You," Naomi said to Mark as she pushed past Addison and out onto the porch, "go inside. You," she grabbed Derek's arm and began dragging him away from the house, "come with me."

"But I want to see the show," Derek whined as Naomi pulled him in the direction of Sam's house.

Cooper slid past Addison and Mark and quickly followed behind Naomi and Derek. Addison could just here him telling Derek not to worry, that they could watch the whole thing from the kitchen before she stepped aside to allow Mark entrance.

A few minutes later Addison was busy counting the wood planks on her floor in an attempt to do anything but make eye contact with Mark. Likewise, Mark was staring out the window trying to pull his thoughts together enough to form a coherent sentence.

Finally, he settled with, "You didn't answer my calls."

Addison pursed her lips and kept her eyes planted firmly on the floor. "Sorry."

"So," Mark said slowly and leaned back against the kitchen counter. "Mine?"

The lie was on the tip of her tongue, but she hesitated just a second too long and he had his answer.

"Addison, look at me," Mark requested softly. "Please."

She took a deep breath and slowly lifted her gaze to his. She opened her mouth but nothing would come out.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged.

"How long were you planning to keep this from me?" Mark asked calmly. "Or were you ever planning to tell me?"

"I was," Addison said quickly and truthfully. "I swear I was."

"You just hadn't gotten around to it?" Mark asked skeptically. "Were you really that busy that you couldn't tell me that you're pregnant? Really?"

"I wasn't busy," Addison told him. "I was scared shitless."

"Why?" Mark asked. "When have I ever given you a reason to doubt that I would be there for you? Was it when I let you cry on my shoulder whenever your husband didn't come home? Or maybe it was when I flew across the goddamned country for you. Oh I know, how about when I abstained from sex for you? Tell me Addison, when have I given you a reason to believe that I wouldn't take care of you and our child?"

"I wasn't doubting you," Addison hissed. She amended, "Well, not this time."

"I just don't get you," Mark said with a humorless chuckle. "You're infuriating. You know that?"

Addison shrugged. "Yeah."

"So what are we going to do now?" Mark asked and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm not abandoning this kid."

Addison blinked.

"Oh come on Addison." Mark shook his head. "Give me something to work with here, would ya?"

"Mark-"

"I know this isn't ideal," Mark said, trying to calm himself. "But we can do this."

"I think-"

"You know how I feel about you." Mark sighed. "And I know how you feel about me. But that's okay. We'll raise this kid as friends. Right? Addison? Addison say something."

"I think something's wrong."

-- -- -- --

"They aren't yelling," Cooper said, disappointed. He glanced at Derek. "I was promised the end all of screaming matches."

"They just haven't gotten to that point yet," Derek promised. "Believe me."

Cooper glanced at Naomi for reassurance.

"They're like cats and dogs," Naomi confirmed. "They'll be killing each other after a few minutes."

"I just wish I could hear the insults," Derek said sadly.

"Wait a minute." Cooper shook his head and looked at Derek. "I thought he was your best friend. And she's your ex wife."

"So."

"Well shouldn't you want them to get along?" Cooper ventured.

"On a certain level," Derek said, cocking his head to the side thoughtfully. "I mean, I want them to be happy. Even if that means they have to be together."

"Which we all know they're meant to be," Naomi inserted offhandedly and didn't take her eyes off Mark and Addison.

"Right." Derek shrugged. "But _they_ don't have to know that I want them to be happy together."

"Why not?" Cooper asked.

Derek raised an eyebrow. "I still see his bare ass every time I close my eyes."

"Gotcha."

"What is..." Naomi narrowed her eyes. Mark had suddenly bolted from his perch to Addison's side. She pushed Cooper out of the way to get a better look.

"What?" Cooper asked excitedly. "Have they started the screaming?"

Naomi's eyes grew wide. "No. No something's wrong."

"What?" Derek ran to the window and smashed his face against the glass. "But what could... I think-" He spotted Cooper and Naomi running through the yards and looked around him to find that they had completely abandoned him. He frowned and took off after them.

-- -- -- --

"Dr. Montgomery." Charlotte grinned as Addison was wheeled into the hospital room. She spotted Mark and Derek and raised her eyebrows appreciatively. "And may I ask who the new additions to the Scooby Gang are?"

"Derek and Mark," Derek told her and shot his McDreamy smile at her. "And you are?"

"Charlotte King." She smirked and turned to Addison. "So Montgomery. You realize you're in here because your blood pressure is through the roof, right?"

"Well you try hiding the fact that you're pregnant from your baby's father and tell me how great your blood pressure is," Addison said through a clenched smile. She pushed forward to stand and was quickly pushed back by a protective Mark. He glared at her and she decided it was in her best interest to sit tight and hold her tongue for the time being.

"So our best course of action is?" Mark asked Charlotte.

"If I had my way I would advise bed rest," Charlotte said and looked pointedly at Addison when she opened her mouth to protest. "However, my OB thinks she'll be fine if she calms down and stays away from stressful situations. I don't have to tell you how high the risk of preeclampsia is when your blood pressure is as high as yours was today."

Addison rolled her eyes.

"Furthermore, I think you should slow it down at work." Charlotte held up her hand as Addison tried to protest yet again. "I know, I know. You can continue to work but with lighter hours. I would say only three or four a day from here on out. And I'm relying on your mom over there to keep you in line."

"You can bank on that," Naomi said with a snort.

"Any other questions?" Charlotte asked with raised eyebrows. She made eye contact with every person in the room before nodding her assurance. Her eyes lingered on Derek for a moment longer than necessary and she unconsciously licked her lips before spinning on her heel and stalking out of the room.

Naomi turned to Addison. "I want Dell to take on more responsibility with your cases. And I don't expect to see you in the office for more than a few hours a day. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Addison mumbled.

Naomi then grabbed Cooper and Derek and pulled the two men out of the hospital room, leaving Addison alone with Mark. She hazzarded a glance at him and wished she hadn't. He didn't look happy. He didn't look happy at all.

"Addison, you're an OB," Mark said quietly, his arms crossed over his chest angrily. "You should know better."

"I..."

"We'll talk about this later," he said and made to leave the room.

"Mark wait," Addison said quickly. "Please don't leave me."

He sighed, but sat down on the edge of her bed anyway. After a seconds hesitation he reached for her hand and squeezed it softly. "Addie, you know I could never leave you."

**End of Part 1**


	2. Part Two

**AN: Sorry about the wait. Like, really really really sorry. And also, I'm sorry that this is so short and the end is just kinda... there.**

* * *

**The One Where Everyone Else Finds Out:**

"Yang!"

Christina raised her eyebrows and stopped dead in her tracks. She turned slowly and frowned. When the hell had he gotten back?

"I need a favor," Mark said as he rounded the front of his Mercedes.

Christina cocked her head. "And that has something to do with me?"

"I just need you to watch her for forty-five minutes. An hour at most," Mark told her. He pulled open the car's back door and ducked into it.

Christina, meanwhile, was seriously contemplating making a run for it. She had just taken her first step towards freedom when Mark reappeared from inside the car. The look on his face conveyed clearly that she wasn't to take another step or there would be hell to pay. She cursed under her breath and turned her full attention back to him.

This, she later decided, had been a much better option than hightailing it out of there. The reason?

Once Mark had kicked the door closed Christina's jaw dropped. There was no way, no way in hell, that Mark Sloan, self proclaimed plastics god and man-whore extraordinaire, had a bright pink Vera Bradley diaper bag slung over one shoulder, a plastic baby carrier grasped tightly in his hands and…

Christina blinked and shook her head.

There really was a pale pink pacifier dangling from his lips.

"Her name is Sophie," Mark said, transferring the pacifier from his mouth to the baby's in the carrier. Somehow, Mark managed his way over to Christina and handed her the carrier and then stooped down and began rooting through the diaper bag.

Christina stared down at Sophie, bug-eyed, and watched helplessly as she managed to work the pacifier out of her mouth and over the edge of the carrier. With reflexes she never knew Mark possessed (except, maybe, when it came to stripping down), he'd grabbed the pacifier mid-air and stuffed it into his mouth in one fluid motion. He continued rooting through the bag as Christina stared at him with revulsion.

"There you are," Mark mumbled to something inside the diaper bag. A second later he produced a small, brown teddy bear and held it up for Christina to see. "This is Pooker. If she starts acting up just lay him next to her. She's fascinated with his nose for some reason."

Christina nodded mutely.

"I have to talk to the Chief about my resignation so I shouldn't be too long, okay?"

"What… Er… Where's her mother?"

"Addison's at the spa with a friend of ours," Mark said and helped Christina work the diaper bag onto her shoulder.

"Oh."

"She's been fed and burped. Which," Mark glanced at his watch, "is why I'm ten minutes late for my meeting."

Christina raised her eyebrows.

"She puked." He made a circular motion over his chest. "All over me."

Christina nodded.

"Well, have fun." Mark bent down and placed a kiss on his daughter's forehead. "Be good for Yang, okay Princess? Daddy loves you."

Christina nearly choked as Mark started towards the hospital.

"Wait!" She said. "Why me?"

"You took care of Bailey's kid, right?"

"I…" She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

Mark jerked his head as if to say "well there you go" and began jogging across the parking lot. "Besides," he called over his shoulder, "you were the first person I ran into."

-- -- -- --

"Hey Meredith," Christina said as her friend wandered into the locker room, "what do you get when you cross Satan and a plastics god?"

Meredith shrugged. "I don't know. What?"

"This." Christina smirked and stepped aside to reveal Sophie gurgling in her carrier.

"Aw," Meredith cooed and swiftly walked to the baby. "So this is why he never came back."

"Yep."

"What's her name?" Meredith asked as she tickled Sophie under her chin.

"Sarah? Sandy?" Christina pursed her lips. "Sophie. Yeah. Definitely Sophie."

"Well she's a cutie." Meredith straightened up. "And she's Addison's?"

"What's Addison's?"

Christina and Meredith both looked up as Alex and Izzie pushed into the locker room. Christina gestured to Sophie. "That is."

Izzie 'aw-ed' and immediately rushed to play with Sophie while Alex crossed his arms and watched the baby apprehensively from the doorway.

"Who's the father?" Alex asked.

"Well, from the way Sloan was sucking on her spit covered pacifier," Christina said with a grimace, "I'd say she's his. Why? It's not like she could be anyone else's."

Alex blushed.

"Oh-ho," Christina burst out laughing while Izzie glared at him and spat, "We'll talk about this later."

-- -- -- --

Two hours after he'd left Sophie in Christina's care, Mark was starting to get worried. If that baby wasn't bathed and ready to go in an hour, he was a dead man. Mark stuck his head in an empty on-call room and growled in frustration.

"Hey Mark! Wait up!"

Mark slowed and waited as Derek jogged to catch up to him.

"So?" Derek asked.

"It's all taken care of," Mark said, scanning the hallway anxiously. "Have you seen Yang?"

"No. Why?"

"She's hijacked my kid."

"Oh," Derek said slowly, somewhat confused. "Have you heard from Charlotte or Addison?"

Mark shook his head. "Last I heard they were still at the spa. Charlotte said something about wanting to be loose and bendy for your date tonight."

"Loose and bendy?" A sly grin spread over Derek's face. "Did she tell you what she's planning?"

Mark looked at him and said dead-panned, "Bungy-jumping."

Derek blinked. "That's a joke, right?"

"Look, I don't have time for this," Mark said stiffly and took off to continue his search.

"Mark!" Derek called after him. "That was a joke, right? Right?!"

-- -- -- --

Like most babies, Sophie liked to cry. Crying got her food, got her changed, and got her attention. It also, she knew somehow, annoyed the hell out of everyone around her. Which was especially fun when it came to Christina Yang.

"Please," Christina begged as she helplessly bounced Sophie on her knee. "Just please stop crying."

Sophie looked at her and let out another anguished scream.

"I'll give you money," Christina attempted. "I'll give you candy."

Sophie hesitated, seemingly to contemplate the offer, before her face screwed up and she kicked the wailing up a notch or two.

"Please God," Christina cried. "Help me."

"Someone ask for my help?"

Christina stood up and thrust the baby at Bailey.

"Give me that," Bailey said, grabbing Sophie. She glared at Christina before turning her attention to Sophie. "Hello pretty lady."

Sophie's eyes dried immediately.

"So this is the famous Sophie I've heard all about," Bailey murmured.

"How did you know?"

"Look at her Yang," Bailey said, rolling her eyes. "She's got Sloan's eyes."

"And Montgomery's hair," Christina added.

"Great DNA," Bailey murmured. She scrunched her nose at Sophie and then handed her back to Christina. "Well… You two have fun. I've got surgery."

Christina's jaw dropped. "Wha… You…"

"Oh," Bailey added as she opened the door, "and she may have been crying because she's got a dirty diaper."

-- -- -- --

"What is that?"

Christina looked up to find her roommate towering over her and grinned with unconcealed relief. Callie was Addison's best friend at Seattle Grace. Callie was responsible. Callie would take this damned kid off her hands so she could actually get some work done.

"Ooh, is that Addison's?" Erica appeared next to Callie and Christina's relief swelled. Erica had a child… She would know what to do with a possibly dirty diaper.

"Mmhm," Christina mumbled brightly and shot off the bench. "Would you like to watch her?"

Callie rolled her eyes but accepted the baby when Christina held her out anyway. She was just about to coo at Sophie when the baby giggled and began emitting the rankest odor Callie had ever experienced. "Oh God," Callie cried and tried to hand the baby back to Christina.

"Oh no," Christina yelped, holding her hands up by her face as she quickly backed away from the offending smell. At least now even she could tell the diaper needed changing. "Finders keepers."

"You better-"

"It's soaking through her pants," Erica pointed out dully as Christina and Callie danced around each other. "You really need to take care of-"

"There you are!" Mark cried and strode into the room. He stopped as the smell hit him like a brick wall. After regaining his composure he stepped forward and took Sophie from Callie. "Jesus. Were you just going to let her wallow in her own shit – er, poopy?"

All three women raised their eyebrows.

"Addison won't let me cuss in front of the baby," Mark explained. "She seems to think Sophie will understand and 'fuck' will be her first word or something."

"Her brain is like a sponge at this age," Erica told him matter-of-factly as he sniffed Sophie's diaper and grimaced.

"You," he hissed at Christina as he laid Sophie on the bench, "are so dead."

Christina looked to Callie for support but quickly realized there was none to be found. "I would have changed it. You know… Once I figured out how to start breathing again."

"Ha ha," Mark dead-panned and pulled Sophie's soaked pants off of her. He held the pants between his forefinger and thumb as far from him as possible while Erica grabbed a trash can.

"Ugh," she groaned. "You can't even breathe through your mouth 'cause you can taste the smell."

Callie and Mark looked at her as if she'd gone crazy.

"No," Christina said, nodding. "I totally get what you're saying. You can taste the nastiness."

"Oh man."

The women watched with horror as Mark peeled Sophie's diaper off her and tossed it in the trash. They winced when it hit with a splat.

"Here," Callie said, throwing Mark the package of wipes she'd pulled out of the diaper bag. "I think you'll go through the whole pack."

Mark groaned and as quickly as possible cleaned Sophie up with surgical precision while the three women watched on. Once finished, Mark snapped Sophie's spare outfit on and tucked her into the crook of his arm. She sighed and looked up at her father dreamily as she slowly nodded off.

"That," Callie said and dropped her head on Erica's shoulder, "is probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

"Sometimes men are so cute," Erica agreed and kissed the top of Callie's head. "It's almost enough to make me want to go straight."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Mark's eyebrows had hit his hairline. He pointed between the two of them. "You two…"

Callie and Erica nodded.

Mark smirked.

-- -- -- --

"Did you know Torres and Hahn are gay?" Mark asked later that evening as he and Addison wandered into Joe's. They'd dropped Sophie off at Richard's a few hours earlier before dinner and were currently meeting up with Derek and Charlotte for drinks.

"She's one of my best friends," Addison scoffed as she steered them towards the corner booth. "And I totally called it _months_ ago."

"Why didn't you say something?" Mark asked.

"Because you have me now." Addison pinched his cheek and slid into the booth. "You don't need to follow around lesbians anymore."

Mark scowled and took off in the direction of the bar. He quickly ordered a dirty martini for Addison and a double for himself and then wandered back to the booth. He handed Addison her drink and chuckled as she lovingly held the glass to her chest and stroked it.

"Oh alcohol, my dear friend," she cooed, "how I have missed you."

"Take it slow," Mark warned her knowingly. Addison was a bit of a light-weight under normal circumstances but this would be her first drink in over a year.

"I think I can take care of myself Mark," Addison snapped and took a long gulp of her drink. She sighed happily as the liquid burned her throat and put down her glass. "So. How do you think Derek liked-"

But just then the door slammed open. Derek stalked over to them and, without any hesitation, plucked Mark's drink from his hand and finished it off. He slammed the glass down and slid into the booth.

Mark raised his eyebrows at the way Derek's usually perfectly coifed hair was standing straight up on his head. He coughed as his eyes took in how white Derek's face was.

"Where's Charlotte?" Addison asked and took another sip of her martini.

"She's parking the car," Derek grumbled and signaled the waitress.

Addison tried to hide her giggles. "And how was the date?"

Derek glared at her petulantly and huffed, "Mark was _not_ joking."

-- -- -- --

Hours later Mark had finally pried the liquor from Addison and Derek long enough to swing by Richard's to grab Sophie. Somehow he managed to get both Sophie and Addison up to their hotel room without too much difficulty.

"I drank too much," Addison slurred as Mark laid her in bed. "You were right."

"I'm always right," Mark chuckled and pulled Addison's shoes off.

Addison scrunched her nose. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Mark grinned as Addison flopped on her stomach and trailed her fingers down Sophie's tummy. The baby giggled and squealed.

"You know," Addison said softly. "Even if we're royal fuck-ups we did something right."

"We did," Mark agreed and climbed into bed next to Addison. He pulled Sophie onto his lap and tickled her sides. "We really did."


End file.
